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Prevent Temper Tantrums with the S.T.O.P Method
By Maria Connor Even the most confident of parents tremble in the face of a full-fledged temper tantrum, and preschoolers have a knack for pulling out all the stops when there is an audience. There’s nothing like the less-than-subtle comments and annoyed glances of onlookers to make parents feel ineffective while their normally placid child is kicking and screaming.
Tantrums are a preschooler’s way of expressing emotions he cannot express with words. Meltdowns can be triggered by fatigue, hunger, discomfort, boredom and frustration.
While temper tantrums leave both preschoolers and parents feeling helpless, there are options. Try this four-step system to S.T.O.P. meltdowns.
Set Realistic Expectations
Preschoolers typically have an attention span equal to one minute for each year of age, plus or minus one minute. At this age, they are energetic and curious, so sitting still or playing quietly can be difficult for preschoolers. Recognize also that a change in routine can prompt a meltdown. If a parent usually allows her preschooler to have a cookie at the grocery store, telling her no because she already had ice cream that day is meaningless to the child.Talk to Your Preschooler
All too often, parents assume preschoolers know the difference between right and wrong. At this age, children are still learning how to get along and how to behave. Parents should spend a few minutes talking about expectations, such as sitting quietly in church. When a child is upset, parents can be good role models by naming the feelings and talking about how to cope. Preschoolers may need help from parents or caregivers to calm down and refocus. Parents can suggest taking a deep breath or encourage preschoolers to kick a soccer ball to burn off energy and frustration.Offer Options to Your Preschooler
One of the easiest ways to avoid a temper tantrum is to keep preschoolers occupied with a toy or activity. When heading out for dinner at a restaurant, a lengthy car trip or an afternoon on the go, pack a bag with crayons, books, stickers, small toys, crafts and snack food. Another option is to keep the preschooler involved in what’s going on, such as during a trip to the grocery store. Let him pick out the cereal, look for familiar letters on packages, count how many oranges are purchased or have him cross off items on the grocery list.Plan Ahead
Parents can and should take action to avoid creating situations that may lead to melt downs. All it takes is a bit of advance planning. For example, don't run errands during nap time, factor in enough time for a preschooler to get himself ready in the morning, develop consistent behavioral standards so as not to confuse a preschooler.It is easier to cope with a temper tantrum if parents have thought about how they will react if a tantrum occurs. It can be helpful to remove the preschooler from the situation, speak to him in a soothing voice, give him time to calm down and redirect his attention when returning to the situation. Parents should not respond to tantrums with bribery or punishment. Bribes teach preschoolers that tantrums can net them other goodies, while threats teach that they are bad for wanting something and feeling upset because they can’t have it.
To feel upset is normal; it’s how preschoolers express their feelings that matters.
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